...so i touched it.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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