If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
