Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
