I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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