Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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