Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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