I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
