Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
