It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
