I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Randomize