Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
