So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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