I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
