This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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