Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
