I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
