Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
