She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize