It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
