She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
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We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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