I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just forgot I was standing up.