dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.