Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.