at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"