Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
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If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.