So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...