have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.