New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.