They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize