I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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