Ambien. No doubt about it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
