cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
