He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
