Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I smell stomach acid.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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