It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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