we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
