your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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