do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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