there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
