everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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