Your tits are I can't wait for
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
