I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
