i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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