Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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