You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
