Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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