This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
