please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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