My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
