I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize