Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
