the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
