I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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