Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize