I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
