Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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