For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize