Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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