so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
