You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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