im about as happy as oj after his trial
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
