I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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