I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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