I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
