Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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