Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
