When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How naked do you want me to be?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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