The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
