I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize