I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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