thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
