If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
A+ Viking dick
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