dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
