If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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