The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
